• annielina

where is health?

As I began to carry this question with me, I started discovering health everywhere I went. Every time its presence poured into my awareness, I would notice something inside me becoming very quiet. A resting, content quality came to the surface - or perhaps I dove down to meet it where it originates. In the quiet, a wordless trust showed up.

Health is used to humming in the background, but enjoys being acknowledged and given permission to step front stage where it can truly expand and ripple onwards. It never resists the positions it finds itself in. Even in the background it finds its way forward because it knows its own brilliance and potential, and the impossibility of its absolute extinction. Health is a force of nature, constantly interacting and being interacted with, allowing life to take place with its manifold expressions.

Health is not the polarity of disease, but essentially integration. When health is allowed to enter front stage, an integrated sense of the whole increases, and the whole inevitably includes all. Health can introduce itself as openness and curiosity, the explorative and playful. It can reveal itself as the courage to show up for yourself and others and stay present in the midst of turmoil. An increased coherence and personal integrity is a sign of surfacing health. Health can show up as the ability to speak up when called for, as well as the capacity to remain silent when needed. It speaks the language of deep understanding and acceptance.

As I dive down to greet health where it originates in the body, that familiar quiet starts breathing in the cellular structure. There is a dark, yet luminous silence. A golden, fluid, spiralling motion. Will is surrendered and replaced with a willingness to be changed. A vibrancy and a quickness that can not be followed, but allows itself to be noticed. A four-dimensional softening and widening. Certainty is taken over by trust. I can include more and more can include me. It feels like homecoming. It’s the same and different every time I take the ride.

As a constant, the amount of health doesn’t grow when recognised, but when one does come into a more rounded relationship with it, the quality of life changes. Practices deserve acknowledgement for their capacity to facilitate this qualitative shift. Varieties are as many as there are individuals, and hopefully we all have many, for the many different situations. A good practice also questions whether or not it is relevant to the situation at hand.

Whenever I feel fed up, anxious, exhausted, deflated, I intentionally enter a dialogue with what I light-heartedly like to call Life. Summarised, our conversation usually goes along these lines:

“Hi. It’s me. Again. I’m feeling pretty shit and I’m not sure how to go on.”

“I can tell. You look rough.”

Life usually finishes it’s remarks with a delicate wink and a smile.

“I can’t, I won’t, I shouldn’t, I’m not able to, I’m too exposed, in too much pain.”

And so on, when fear has taken the lead and found itself a megaphone.

“Yes. All of that. I hear you. You are where you need to be. This exact thing that you are experiencing right now, is also me.”

Life has a way of saying precisely the right things so that it’s great comrade, health can emerge and infuse the situation with its perspective. I might still be exhausted and in pain, but I feel supported in it, as if I am swimming in the oceanic depths of compassion. I feel more open to respond to the situation, instead of jumping into habitual cycles of reaction. As I come into a more intimate relationship with what is, I invite life in all its expressions to take place - to take my place, here.

As soon as the invitation is sent out, it is health who responds: I was already on my way. For health to reveal itself, all we need to do is persistently show up for it.